


A New Family

by shayasar



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2012-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 03:32:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shayasar/pseuds/shayasar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse into the past of John Sheppard...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Family

**Author's Note:**

> Set after the events in "Letters from Pegasus". The expression on John's face after Elizabeth asked him, if he wanted to record a message for someone had me thinking. And this is, what came out. 
> 
> This was written way before season 4, before we learned about Sheppard's backstory.

What a day. Carson was still uncertain about the video message to his mother. How would she react to it? It was incredibly hard to stay calm doing the recording. He was still embarrassed that he had started to cry in front of Lt. Ford. But now all was said. He couldn’t change it anymore, even if he wanted to. The message would be sent tomorrow with all the others. 

He sighed. He could only hope it would give his mother some sort of comfort to know he was still alive and well. Although that could change rapidly in a couple of weeks. He pushed the thought aside. That was still a few weeks ahead, there was no point in panicking right now. Elizabeth was right. 

Carson reached the doors of his quarters. Their quarters, he reminded himself and smiled. John had moved in two weeks ago. He waved his hand in front of the blue crystals and hoped John would be there. 

When he stepped inside, he barely spotted John sitting on the couch. The room was nearly dark. 

“Hey, why haven’t you switched on the lights?” He asked and used his gene to turn the lights on. When he got no response he continued talking and hung his lab coat to a hook on the wall. “I examined the people you brought back from that planet. They are all ok, some minor bruises and they’re very upset about what happened, but they’re all fine.” When he still got no response he turned to look at John. “John?” 

Still no reaction. John kept staring at a far point on the wall, not moving. 

"John, what's wrong?" 

"Nothing." 

Finally a reaction, but not the one Carson was hoping for. He knew the sound in John's voice. He would use it every time in the infirmary to convince Carson his injuries weren't that bad. 

"John, what's the matter?" 

"I told you. It's nothing." John never turned his gaze from the point he was staring at. 

Carson suppressed a sigh and went to John to sit down beside him. With one hand he took John's chin and turned his head, forcing John to look at him. "Come on luv, tell me what's wrong." 

John tried to avoid Carson's eyes and remained silent. But Carson wasn't the person to give up easily. 

"John, what's up?" 

John finally looked him in the eyes and sighed. "All those people on Orin's planet. The culling was so intense I doubt there is anyone left. And all I could do was sit there and watch. I felt so damn helpless. There I was, safe and sound in the puddle jumper while all the poor people in the village were screaming in fear and pain. The darts flew over the village again and again. And Teyla's look... You know, I wanted to leave the planet as the culling started. There was nothing I could possibly do and I wanted to return to Atlantis, but the Wraith blocked the gate. Only because of that we saved Orin and his family and a few others from the village. Teyla's look when I told her that we would only do that if there was time... You can't imagine how I felt, I denied her to help her people. I don't know if she will forgive me that." 

"But you saved a few." 

"Yes, but only because we couldn't get to the gate in time. I betrayed Teyla’s trust in me and I can't blame her for hating me now." John buried his face in his hands. 

Carson put his arm around John's shoulders. "I can only imagine how horrible that must have been. But at least you’ve saved a few." He gave John a kiss on the head. "But I don't think that's all. What is bothering you so much, John?" 

"What do you want to hear?" John snapped and pushed Carson aside. He got up and walked to the window, his arms crossed protectively in front of his chest. 

Carson watched him carefully. "The truth, John. It's not the first time you’ve witnessed a culling. And I'm sure it was horrible, but I don't think it's the reason for your mood. Something else has happened that has upset you." 

Silence answered him. John kept staring out of the window. 

Carson stood up as well and joined John at the window. Carefully he laid his hand on John's back and began stroking it slowly. "What happened?" he asked softly. 

"Did you record a message?" John asked him quietly. 

"Yes, I did. I recorded a message for my mother." 

"Elizabeth asked me to record a message for Colonel Sumner's family." 

"Oh..." Carson frowned. 

"I didn't know what to say. I'm not good at stuff like that. And I haven't really known the Colonel. So I told them how brave he was. And how I wish he would still be here." John sighed. 

Carson knew the ongoing thread from the Wraith and that they were now finally on their way to Atlantis lay heavily on John's shoulders. He still hadn't forgiven himself for awakening them. But there was more... Suddenly he realized John had never talked about his own family before. 

"Did you record a message for your own family as well?" 

"No." 

The harsh response surprised Carson. "Why not, I'm sure there is somebody, who will be happy to receive a message from you." 

"I said NO!" And again John pushed Carson aside and bolted to the door. He slammed his hand on the crystals and hardly waited for the door to open completely. 

Stunned, Carson watched John leave. After a moment he gathered himself and ran after him. Stepping in the corridor, there was no sight of John. But he knew where his lover would go. There were only a few places in the city where John felt absolutely safe and comfortable. One of them was Carson's quarters. And as that was out of the equation Carson headed for the second place of choice. 

It didn't took him long to track John down. Like he’d expected he found him on one of the balconies in the unexplored outer rims of the city. John cowered on the floor, his knees drawn to his chest, his arms wrapped around them, his head resting on them. 

Carson approached slowly, making sure John would hear him. He squatted down in front of John and stroked gently over his head. He spoke in a low voice. "What's wrong, John?" 

"I don't want to talk about it." John didn't raise his head. 

"Ok." Carson stated simply. 

"Ok?" John finally lifted his head and gave Carson a puzzled look. 

"I won't press you, if you don't want to talk about it." Carson sat down beside John and put an arm around the other man. John instantly snuggled closer. Carson just held him close. They sat for a long while in silence. The sun had gone down a long time ago and only the lights of the city and the stars sparkled in the water. 

"My mother died when I was still very young." John started finally, his voice low and unsteady. "My father was in the military and subsequently we were always on the go. He was sent from one military base to another, sometimes several times a year. So there was no time for me to find real friends. I have no other relatives so I had to go with him. My father was very demanding and wanted me to be the best in everything I did. It wasn't easy. Sometimes when he was drunk he would beat me for not following his orders or other times for nothing at all. When I finished High School we had a big fight. He wanted me to go to a military college. It was the first time I said no. It got really ugly and ended with me leaving the house. I grabbed my stuff, threw it all in my car and drove off the base, not looking back. I jobbed to get along. But I knew from the start, that I couldn't do this forever. Since I was a little boy I was fascinated by planes and helicopters. I always wanted to be a pilot. 

When I got to the point, where I was completely broke, I sold my car and stepped in the first recruiting station I stumbled across. So I joined the forces. I started a search for my father then and found out he had died shortly after I had left him. He had cancer. I didn't know that. He was terminally ill and I didn’t know. We had that big fight and we never had the chance to make it up again. We had never the chance to forgive each other.”

Carson could feel John trembling. So he held him even tighter. He had suspected a story like that, but to finally hear it from John was harder as he would like to admit.

“So, you understand now? I have no one. I’m all alone.” John’s voice almost broke as he said those words.

“No, you’re not alone!” Carson shifted a bit so he could put his finger under John’s chin and lifted his head. “You have me. You have your friends here, Aiden, Elizabeth, Teyla even Rodney.” When John still looked unconvinced, Carson gave him a quick kiss. “I’m all yours, I love you and I’m your family now. And if we will make it back to earth one time, I will take you with me to Scotland and you will meet my family. And it will be your family.”

“Thank you.” John smiled, but Carson could still see the uncertainness.

“I tell you something. Let’s record another video. I can introduce you to my family.”

“We can’t do that, the US military will see it. You know what their attitude toward homosexual relationships is.”

“Aye, and it is a ridiculous one. But we can do it in a way that no one can accuse you of it. We make it look like I am just introducing a friend, but my family knows my orientation so they will understand.” Carson smiled.

“You will do that?” John smiled and his eyes sparkled.

“Of course I will. I have nothing to hide. And who would want to hide such a handsome mate like you.” Carson took John’s face in his hands and gave him a passionate kiss, relieved when he felt John returning it.

The Wraith were still on their way, but at least for the moment he was happy and he knew John was a little bit happier as well.

FIN**


End file.
